


The Things That Needed to Be Said

by Mnemosyne_Elegy



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: And More Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Broken Friendships, Gen, Natsu being a supportive friend, Ugly venting, Working towards forgiveness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-05 06:56:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17320127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mnemosyne_Elegy/pseuds/Mnemosyne_Elegy
Summary: Lyon wasn't fully aware of all those words he hadn't gotten the chance to say, the ones that had gnawed at him for the past ten years, but Gray was. Now that Lyon's scheme to revive Deliora has been thwarted, he finally gets the chance to vent that ugly ball of love and hate.





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be a one-shot, but I ended up writing more too. But this first part could still stand alone as a kind of bridge between Galuna Island and...Oración Seis, I guess. In terms of Gray and Lyon's relationship, anyway.

If Lyon hadn't been in a numb daze after Deliora fell apart, he probably would have punched Gray in the face rather than let the younger man help him up. But as it was, Lyon  _was_ in some kind of shock with too many emotions swirling inside him at once, so he barely protested when Gray pulled him up off the ground and half-carried him out of that cursed cave and up to the surface. Gray carefully deposited him on the ground to sit with his back against a boulder, and Lyon watched him and his stupid friends with something like detached wariness as they discussed the problem at hand. He didn't know what possessed him to give them the warning about the villagers. He blamed that on the shock too.

And then all those idiots were finally leaving, and Lyon was more than glad to get rid of them. He needed time to come to terms with his defeat and everything that had happened with Deliora and Ur and that stupid fool Gray. But then he realized that Gray had paused and turned back to watch him.

"What are you looking at?" Lyon snapped, not wanting to have to dirty his hands any further by dealing with this boy he had once loved as a brother but now hated with all his heart.

Gray didn't answer immediately, just watched Lyon with tired, unreadable eyes. His stupid guildmates had realized that he had stopped and they paused as well, turning back to see what was going on. Lyon resisted the urge to bang his head into a rock. Just when he had thought that he'd finally gotten rid of them.

"You might as well go ahead and say it," Gray said finally.

Lyon blinked at him in confusion, startled by the unexpected statement. "Say what?"

Gray let out a breath. "Whatever it is that's been eating away at you all these years. I'm sure there are things you've been dying to say to me. You already said some of them while we were fighting. You might as well finish what you started."

Lyon stared at the other mage with narrowed eyes, studying his expression in an attempt to discern exactly what it was that Gray was expecting him to say. But Gray's face had been carefully schooled in a neutral expression and his eyes didn't give Lyon so much as a hint.

Lyon didn't speak for several long moments as he tried to marshal his thoughts. Were there things he needed to say to Gray? Yes, he thought that there might be. That mix of emotion, all that anger and hate, was burning at his throat, trying to claw its way out. Still, he wasn't sure what exactly there was left to say.

He opened his mouth, not quite sure what was going to come out.

"You killed her," he said dully.

There was a pause.

"Yes."

Lyon stared at Gray, searching for any sign that he was sorry or was hurting or was going to try defending himself against the accusation. But that one word was the only thing that came out of his mouth, and his face was so damn expressionless. He might as well have been talking about the weather.

That made Lyon angry, the fury slicing through his numbness. How dare Gray be so unaffected? He should be crying or begging for forgiveness or  _something_. Not that Lyon would give him any comfort. No, Lyon wanted him to hurt, wanted him to suffer for what he had done. It made him furious that the bastard could stand there and  _not_ hurt. Really, Lyon would have even been okay with it if Gray had gotten angry and tried defending himself, because then there would be an even better excuse to rip him to shreds.

But Gray just stood there, and his apparent indifference opened up the floodgates. Suddenly, Lyon's fury finally found words.

"You have a lot of fucking nerve," he hissed, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. "You've got a lot of nerve coming up here and daring to lecture me after all the shit you did. You've got a lot of nerve daring to use her magic. You don't deserve it. And you've got a hell of a lot of nerve still being alive."

He scowled at Gray, looking to see if he had managed to hit a nerve yet, but although the younger mage had fixed his eyes on the ground, he still didn't display any overt emotion. That made Lyon even angrier, and he could feel his face contort with fury. He was going to twist that knife as far as it would go, hurt Gray as much as he could, until he could finally crack that mask of nonchalance.

"God knows our lives would have been so much easier if you had just curled up and died along with your good-for-nothing parents," he growled.

He thought he saw Gray's lips tighten involuntarily for a moment, and he bared his teeth in sadistic satisfaction. Maybe he had managed to hit a sore point after all. Well, he was going to push it as far as he could, because he wanted to see Gray break, wanted to see Gray shatter into a million pieces too small and jagged to be put back together again.

"She would still be alive, anyway." Gray's eyes narrowed slightly, but he appeared otherwise unaffected. Lyon pressed on. "Or if you were going to be such a goddamn fool, then you could have at least run off and gotten yourself killed without dragging us into it. Or if you were going to insist on killing her, you could have at least had the decency to off yourself afterward, like you deserve."

Gray didn't react to the venomous words, but that stupid pink-haired dragon slayer did. The Fairy Tail mage suddenly lunged for Lyon, his eyes flashing with fury and his fists burning with flames. Lyon struggled to his feet with some difficulty—because no matter how injured he was, there was no way in hell he was going to take the dragon slayer's attack sitting down like a helpless victim—but Gray's arm shot out and blocked his friend's way.

"Let him finish," Gray said flatly.

Natsu paused and turned to look at him disbelievingly, indignant rage painted on his face. "But he said–"

"I know what he said," Gray interrupted. He finally glanced over at Natsu to give him a quelling look. "If it bothers you so much, then why don't you go on ahead to the village and see if you can figure out what's going on? I'll catch up to you."

The dragon slayer still looked like he wanted to protest, but whatever he saw in Gray's face made him reluctantly back down. He backed up a few paces and his flames obediently died away, but he made no move to leave. Instead he glowered at Lyon murderously, looking like he would like nothing better than to smash his fist into the older mage's face. Gray's other friends looked much the same, either furious or teary-eyed or both, but Lyon didn't care about them.

He only had eyes for Gray, who had turned away and was watching Lyon expressionlessly again. It only fed Lyon's fury that he was still so damn impassive. Maybe it was partly because it felt wrong to yell and rage at someone who wouldn't fight back, maybe it was partly because Lyon wanted the satisfaction of seeing Gray break. Whatever it was, it bothered him.

So, ignoring his screaming muscles and the stabbing pains slicing through his body, he remained standing and prepared to tear into Gray again.

"Just what do your little friends mean to you?" he sneered, giving the angry Fairy Tail mages a contemptuous once-over before returning his gaze to Gray. "Do you care for them? It's too bad no one warned them that everyone you care about seems to end up dead."

Gray's gaze dropped to the ground and his eyes clouded over for a split second. Lyon pressed his advantage.

"You know that you don't fucking deserve to have anyone care about you anymore. And really, they'd probably be better off without you, anyway. Who knows which one of them you'll end up killing next?"

Gray flinched, but didn't otherwise react. Behind him, Natsu growled and took a threatening step forward. The redhead's hand moved to her sword and she glared at Lyon. Even the blonde was starting to look more angry than horrified. Hell, even the stupid flying cat—the stupid, flying,  _blue_ cat—looked ready to launch itself at him.

It irritated Lyon that these people seemed to genuinely care about Gray. As far as Lyon was concerned, Gray had forfeited the right to have friends and family the moment he had turned into a murderer.

"I don't know why she loved you so much," Lyon said in a low voice, clenching his fists even tighter until he could feel his fingernails digging into his palms. "I didn't even want her to take you in at first, but she did it anyway because she wanted to  _save_ you." His mouth twisted unpleasantly in disgust as he spat out the word. "Because she felt sorry for you and she wanted to help you move past everything with your parents and Deliora. But you just couldn't let it go, could you? She should have just listened to me, and then she'd at least be alive. I don't care how sad and angry at the world you were. Watching your parents die didn't give you the right to turn around and kill someone else.

"You took her away from me too, you know. You don't have the right to sit here and be okay with everything when I'm not. Believe it or not, I cared about her too. She was my goal, my role model, but she was more than that too."

Grief wrapped itself around his heart again, and he tried to shake it off. He didn't want to mourn anymore. When he wanted to mourn, he always distracted himself instead. He had been able to distract himself with the whole plan to resurrect the stupid demon, but now the plan was gone and he had nothing left to hold on to except for his pain. His pain and his hate. It was better to be angry than sad, and he would rage at Gray if it meant that he didn't have to grieve anymore. So he fed that pain to his anger and watched it flare up again.

"How dare you? I will never–" He paused, unsure of why the words wouldn't come out. "I will never–"

This was it, what he had wanted to say. And yet something was stopping him from saying it, and he didn't know what. He didn't know why it felt so wrong even though it felt so right.

"Just say it," Gray said quietly.

Lyon searched for any sign that Gray was feeling anything at all, but the younger man's face was still unreadable. It made him angry enough that he could finally push out the words.

"I will never forgive you," he spat, wondering why the words tasted like ashes in his mouth.

Gray let out his breath in a soft sigh and for a second Lyon thought he might have looked a little sad, but he also didn't look surprised. Lyon wondered if he had known that everything was building up to this all along.

The words were out in the open now, ugly and jagged. They chafed at Lyon, rubbed him the wrong way, grated at his nerves. They were supposed to make him feel better, but they had only succeeded in making him feel worse. And that wasn't fucking  _fair_ , because Gray deserved this and it was what Lyon wanted, but it still left a bitter taste in his mouth that detracted from the satisfaction he should have felt. He thought that those words should have maybe been cathartic or satisfying or  _something_ , and the fact that they didn't have the desired effect made him furious.

It made him furious enough that he forced his body to take a few unsteady steps forward despite the white-hot pain that lanced through him, and he swung a fist at Gray's face. He had anticipated that Gray would defend himself and block the wild punch, so he was surprised that even though he could see Gray's eyes tracking the fist hurtling towards his face, the younger man made no move to stop it. Lyon's fist connected with its target, but because he had adjusted for the eventuality of Gray blocking him, the unexpected contact threw him off-balance. His arms windmilled in the air as he pitched forward, and he would have fallen if Gray hadn't grabbed him and held him upright.

He eyed the other mage warily, but Gray's face remained inscrutable as he slung an arm around Lyon and carefully helped him stagger back over to where he had originally been sitting. Lyon was too surprised to protest as Gray gingerly lowered him back to the ground so that he was sitting with his back to the rock again. The two men stared at each other in silence as Gray released Lyon and stepped back.

"Are you finished?" Gray asked finally, his voice soft.

Lyon watched him blankly, his anger and fury finally starting to slip away into numbness once more. It wasn't fair because he had every reason to hate Gray, but at this moment all he felt was numb and dead. He wasn't finished. He knew that there were still things he needed to say, but he'd be damned if he knew what they were. He didn't know what else there was to say. He didn't know what words could take the edge off that maelstrom of hate and anger and mostly-strangled love that clawed mercilessly at his heart.

So even though there were still words left unsaid—there had to be, because surely there must be something he could say that would knit his broken heart back together and tame his wild emotions and make him feel better about this whole mess—Lyon just turned his head to the side and stared at the ground with narrowed eyes.

"Yes," he said coldly. "I have nothing else to say to you."

Maybe now was when Gray would finally drop this act and do  _something_. Lyon was ready for him to beg or yell or offer some kind of apology or explanation, but he did none of that.

"Alright, then," Gray said with a sigh. "You should really think about joining a guild or something. You'd have friends and people you could rely on, and they'd be there for you in your darkest times to help you through. You could find a new goal, a new dream—something better than this obsession you've had for all these years. I think it would be good for you."

Despite himself, Lyon looked back over at Gray, startled by the unexpected words. The younger man watched him somberly.

"Take care of yourself, Lyon."

Gray turned and started walking away, leaving Lyon gaping at his retreating form. What the  _hell_ was that about?

"Aren't you going to say anything?" Lyon demanded. "I just accused you of murder, told you that you didn't deserve to have friends, said that you didn't even deserve to  _live_." He clenched his fists in frustrated bewilderment. "And you're just going to walk away? Aren't you going to defend yourself? Make excuses? Point out my screw-ups? Anything?"

Because he just didn't get it. He didn't understand how Gray could just sit there through all of that and not defend himself or get upset and yell. Lyon kind of wished that Gray would get angry and turn this into a real argument, because it felt wrong attacking someone who wouldn't fight back.

Gray paused and half turned, just enough to glance back at Lyon. "Why would I?" he asked quietly. "This was for your closure, not mine." An unamused, sardonic half-smile played at the corners of his lips for a second before vanishing. "Besides, I've always felt much the same."

Lyon sucked in a breath, eyes widening at the admission. It made the leftover anger drain away. He didn't know exactly why since this was what he had wanted all along, but even though he wanted Gray to hurt, he couldn't really take pleasure in it right now.

"Gray…"

"But now that you mention it, maybe there  _is_  something I want to say to you," Gray continued as if he didn't sense the change in Lyon's mood.

He turned to face Lyon fully, and his eyes were suddenly hard and cold. Lyon was almost— _almost_ —glad, because it seemed like maybe he was finally going to offer a defense after all.

"You have a right to be angry," Gray said flatly. "You have a right to hate me. I'll take your fists, your magic, your angry words, if that's what you need me to do. I'll take them, but in return I expect that you don't throw them at anyone else. If it's me you're angry at, then it's me you should take your anger out on. You have no right to take out your anger and grief on everyone else. No matter how much you hate me or how much you miss her, that doesn't give you the right to hurt other people. This scheme of yours almost killed you and your friends and my friends. And it would have had the potential to kill a lot of other people too, if Deliora hadn't already been dead. You should have known better. I thought you were better than that."

Lyon shifted uncomfortably and looked away. It wasn't that he regretted his plan to revive Deliora, exactly, but he didn't like being reminded that people could have died. Because despite his callousness towards the villagers, he didn't really want them dead. He wasn't completely heartless. To be honest, he already felt a little bad about ordering the eradication of the village.

"And really, you should thank Natsu for stopping me from using iced shell," Gray continued.

The dragon slayer in question had been glaring at Lyon for the past several minutes, but at those words his attention immediately focused on Gray. The blonde and redhead looked confused, but then turned to look at Gray in horror. Lyon supposed that they wouldn't have known about Gray's attempts to use iced shell since they hadn't been there.

But really, Lyon didn't care about them. His attention was as solely focused on Gray as theirs was. He didn't know where exactly Gray was going with this line of thought, but he wasn't sure that he liked it.

"Because no matter how much you hate me, no matter how much you think I should be dead or want me to be dead, you would never have been the same if you had to watch me use that spell to clean up your stupid mistake. It would have plagued your nightmares and discolored your memories. It would have haunted you for the rest of your life, and you would have never forgiven yourself." Gray spoke with a quiet certainty born of experience, and for some reason it made Lyon partly horrified and partly sad, even though it should be satisfying.

"Do you understand?" Gray asked, fixing Lyon with a hard look. "You should really be more careful when people's lives are hanging in the balance. I would have thought that you would have learned from my mistakes instead of repeating them yourself. I expected better of you."

Lyon stared at Gray, his thoughts churning wildly. He wasn't sure what to make of that little speech. Wasn't sure how he felt about it either, because it had managed to resurrect that ugly knot of snarled emotions again, although it felt a little different this time. He didn't know why it bothered him that Gray was expressing disappointment in him. It shouldn't matter, really. Gray had screwed up first, he had screwed up worse, and he didn't have any right to lecture Lyon on right and wrong. But at the same time, Lyon knew that he was at least partially right. Things had begun spiraling out of control and could very well have ended up with someone's death, and Lyon didn't want that on his conscience. He'd seen enough death in his lifetime, and he didn't want to see any more.

Maybe that was the reason he felt just the barest twinge of guilt about what he had forced Gray to almost do, because he didn't want to be responsible for anyone's death, not even Gray's. But something told him that that wasn't the whole story either, so he forced himself to really consider what Gray had said. Was it really true that he would have hated himself if Gray died from his mistake? Gray had killed Ur. Gray deserved to be dead. Lyon wanted Gray to–wanted Gray to–

Shit, this was worse than he'd thought. That tangle of panic and desperation and angry fear that he had felt when Gray went to use iced shell on Deliora… He had thought that it was because he didn't want to have to spend another three or so years re-melting the ice again. He had come so close to having his showdown with the demon and then Gray and his friends had come in out of nowhere and ruined it, and Lyon hadn't wanted to wait years for another chance. That was at least partly true. But if he was being completely honest with himself—and he kind of wished that he wasn't—most of that desperation was for Gray, because some part of Lyon apparently still loved him enough to not want to watch him die. And deep down, he knew that Gray had been right when he said that Lyon would never have been the same if the younger mage had used the spell.

"I don't really want you to be dead," Lyon grumbled finally, reluctant to admit to this failing.

Gray smiled faintly, although the expression was still tired and melancholy. "I know."

Lyon frowned at him, wondering how he could seem so certain about that when Lyon himself hadn't been fully aware of it until a couple minutes ago.

"You and me, Lyon, we've been chained to the past for far too long," Gray added quietly. "It's time for you to start moving on. Like I said, you might want to try finding a guild. It's what got me through these past ten years. It'll give you something new to focus on, new goals to work toward, new friends to rely on and help you through. Just think about it, okay?" He sighed and glanced away. "And if not that, then at least find another way to cope. At some point, you're going to have to start looking to the future instead of hanging on to the past. It's not easy, but that's what you've got friends for. And you know that she would rather see you move on with your life than stay caught up in what happened to her."

Lyon bit his lip and looked away as well, because he did in fact know that Ur would rather see him let go of all this and make his own way in life. He didn't think that she would have approved of this scheme to revive Deliora. He also didn't think she would approve of how he had treated Gray. She would have wanted them to stop fighting and just get along already, but Lyon wasn't prepared to do that.

He wasn't sure that he was prepared to move on yet either, but did he really have a choice at this point? The scheme he had devoted so many years of his life to had, quite literally, fallen apart before his eyes. He couldn't challenge and defeat Deliora, couldn't surpass Ur, couldn't do anything to fix what had been broken. What choice did he have besides to figure out a new way of life? It would bother him to no end to follow Gray's advice because it would be like admitting that Gray was right and he was wrong, so maybe he wouldn't look for a guild yet, but he'd have to do  _something_.

"Well, we still need to go sort out the mess with the village," Gray said, turning away. "Good luck, Lyon."

Lyon stared dazedly at Gray's back as the younger man walked away. He didn't know why it made him feel so damn empty to watch Gray leave again. He should want this. He didn't need Gray. Didn't want Gray. But hell, it seemed like he was never going to be able to fully forget about what Gray had once meant to him. And besides that, the whole situation felt bitter and incomplete, like it couldn't be over, because…because  _it couldn't be over._

There were still things Lyon needed to say, things he needed to get off his chest to really come to terms with everything. There must be something else he needed to say to Gray, because there were words clawing painfully at his throat even though they were stuck there, leaving him to choke on all the things left unsaid. He still didn't quite know what they were, only that they were there and were desperate to escape. They forced his jaws open and tumbled out, even though he still wasn't sure if he really wanted Gray to hear them.

"I'm sorry," he said, not completely sure what part of all this he was apologizing for.

Gray paused and his head tilted downward as he apparently dropped his gaze to the ground, but he didn't turn back around.

"I'm sorry too," he replied quietly. "And God knows you can be an infuriating idiot, but I forgive you anyway."

Lyon's breath caught in his throat, which was too bad, really, because it blocked the words that he finally realized he wanted to say. Instead, he watched Gray walk away, his friends following behind him after shooting Lyon one last death glare. Lyon stared after them until they disappeared from view. He got the feeling that Gray was very carefully resisting the urge to look back, and he managed it right up until the last second. It was right when they were disappearing around the bend that he finally glanced back. It was just for a split second and then he was gone, and it made Lyon's heart clench painfully for a reason he couldn't quite put his finger on. Gray's eyes had still been mostly unreadable, but for just a moment, Lyon could see the pain and grief lurking there. Even though it should have been satisfying, it made him feel bad instead.

Lyon let out his breath in a shaky sigh. Maybe it was time to admit that he could no longer hate Gray as fully as he had used to. Now that he had finally been able to vent all that anger and hate that had been twisting at his insides for years, all the half-remembered love was seeping back in to take its place and fill in the gaps. Lyon was still angry, still thought that it was Gray's stupid mistake that had ultimately led to Ur's death, but he wasn't sure that he could really hate Gray anymore. Wasn't even sure how much he could really blame Gray anymore.

He vaguely thought that maybe it was actually nice to have seen Gray again, just to see how he had changed and to get the chance to let out all that pent-up anger so that he could finally start letting go of the hate. And Gray really had changed from that angry, grief-stricken boy hell-bent on revenge. Lyon wondered when Gray had grown up. He was almost sad that he had missed it.

Gray had changed for the better, and maybe it was time that Lyon did as well. It wasn't such bad advice, really, finding a guild and a new goal. Maybe he'd do it eventually. He felt like he owed Gray something, and although following a piece of advice wasn't much, it was a start. And maybe one day he'd work up the courage to tell Gray what it was that he really wanted to say, because he had finally— _finally_ —figured it out.

It was strange, he reflected, that the words he had really needed to say all along were the same ones he had never imagined that he would ever want to express.

_'I forgive you too.'_


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place during the feast at the demon village after the team solves the demons' mysterious problem. Sherry and Yuka technically show up in canon, but I didn't include that in this story, partly because it was irrelevant and partly because it would have interfered a little with my plot and I didn't feel like trying to work out some complicated solution.

Natsu was fidgety and tense. They had stopped the revival of the demon, solved the mystery of the villagers without having to resort to actually destroying the moon, and were now enjoying the feast that the villagers had thrown for them in gratitude. Or rather, they  _should_ have been enjoying the feast. Under normal circumstances, Natsu would find it plenty enjoyable, because food was food. Food could usually hold his attention pretty well, but tonight he didn't even feel like eating.

He was too worried about Gray, and he wasn't the only one. He had noticed that everyone had been keeping a close eye on the ice mage ever since that last ugly confrontation with that bastard Lyon. Because surely it wasn't enough that Gray had to deal with his past blindsiding him again. Obviously he needed his old 'friend' to make everything a thousand times worse. Natsu was itching to hunt that asshole down and rip him to shreds. He hadn't done it earlier because of Gray's disapproval, but he wished that he had done it anyway. The only thing preventing him from doing it now was his reluctance to leave Gray.

Because although Gray was pretending to be alright, he clearly wasn't. Lucy and Erza had tried talking to him after what had happened with Lyon, but he had just shrugged and brushed it off, telling them to focus on the problem at hand first so that they could finish the job. So they had solved the villagers' problem and were now hanging around the party.

Gray had acted pretty normal the whole time, laughing and joking around like usual, but his eyes stayed flat and dead. Natsu didn't know if the others saw it or if they were fooled by his acting, but the dragon slayer saw it and it worried him. He wasn't sure what to do about it since all this touchy-feely crap wasn't really his forte, so he contented himself with watching Gray out of the corner of his eye.

Because he was watching, Natsu saw when Gray had finally had enough and quietly slipped out of the village. Natsu was standing by Erza and Lucy at the time, and he wasn't the only one to notice Gray's escape. Concern flashed in Erza's eyes, and she made to follow the ice mage.

"Wait," Natsu told her. She paused and turned back with a frown. "I'll go."

Her frown deepened and she gave him a skeptical look, but it was Lucy who spoke up first.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" she asked anxiously. "I mean, you two fight like cats and dogs, and I'm not sure that's going to work here."

Natsu stared at her blankly. Sometimes he forgot that she was still awfully new to Fairy Tail and didn't really understand the dynamics yet. Sure, Natsu and Gray fought like crazy, but they were still best friends at the end of the day. If Lucy hadn't figured that out yet, she would soon enough.

"Don't worry so much, Luce. We'll be fine." He glanced over at the spot where Gray had disappeared. "Besides," he added quietly, "you all didn't see the things I saw."

Erza grimaced at that, but nodded her reluctant agreement. "I suppose so. But Natsu, be careful of what you say to him. You have a bad habit of not thinking before you speak, so be careful not to say anything too insensitive. And for God's sake, don't start a fight."

Natsu gave her a hard look. "I just watched him try to kill himself twice earlier," he said coldly. "I'm not going to say anything to make that worse. I'm not completely heartless."

Both girls winced.

"Twice?" Lucy asked, wringing her hands anxiously.

Erza just averted her gaze. "I apologize. I didn't mean it like that."

Natsu sighed and felt his indignation drain away. He was only so on edge because he was worried about Gray, and it wasn't fair to take that out on the others.

"I know," he replied. "It's okay."

She looked back up, her eyes filled with determination edged with sadness. "When you get back, we have some things we're going to need to talk about," she said firmly.

Natsu nodded silently. He knew what she was talking about, even though she hadn't come out and said it directly. Natsu—and Lyon, he supposed—was the only one who had seen Gray try to use iced shell. The others hadn't even known about it until Gray had mentioned it while he was talking to Lyon, and Natsu knew that they would want the details. He was actually kind of surprised that they hadn't asked sooner, but he guessed that everyone had been pretty distracted.

"Yeah, okay," he agreed. They deserved some answers, after all. "Make sure Happy doesn't eat all the food," he added, looking over at where the Exceed was chowing down.

Lucy made a noncommittal sound that could have been a sign of subdued agreement. Glancing back over, Natsu saw that both she and Erza still looked sad and worried. He sighed.

"I'll bring him back," he told them quietly.

Then he headed out of the village, politely excusing himself when a couple of the demon villagers asked where he was going. Once he made it outside the village proper, he put his nose to work, sniffing around until he caught Gray's scent. It wasn't too difficult, and soon Natsu was following Gray as quickly as he could without breaking his neck, which was easier said than done while trying to walk through tangled underbrush in the dark. He tripped over rocks and branches a couple times and almost face-planted into the ground, but luckily the trees eventually began to thin out.

He wondered just how far Gray had managed to get in the short time since he had left. It was farther than Natsu had expected. He almost growled in irritation, but noticed that Gray's scent was getting stronger. He was close.

Despite his sense of smell indicating that Gray was nearby, Natsu almost missed him anyway. The dragon slayer stopped short as he noticed a dark shadow hunched over on the ground. A quick sniff at the air confirmed that this was indeed Gray. Natsu hesitated, uncertain as to why Gray was sitting on the ground in the middle of the forest. The trees might have thinned out a little but this was hardly a clearing, and Natsu couldn't see anything special about this particular spot. He wondered what had prompted Gray to stop here instead of continuing his aimless trek.

Natsu quietly walked over to where Gray sat with his knees drawn to his chest, and settled himself cross-legged on the ground beside his friend.

"He was wrong."

Gray didn't look over. If he was surprised by Natsu's sudden appearance, he didn't show any sign of it.

"I know," he replied quietly, his dark eyes remaining fixed on a point somewhere ahead of him.

Natsu grimaced. "Do you really? Because that's not what it sounded like when you were talking to him."

It had actually sounded a lot like Gray had agreed with most of what Lyon had said, and that bothered Natsu more than anything else. Gray sighed and shifted slightly, wrapping his arms more tightly around his knees.

"Well, he was right about some of it," he admitted.

Natsu growled low in his throat. He didn't want to hear that. He hadn't been there back when everything had happened so maybe he wasn't fully qualified to determine what was and wasn't Gray's fault, but he was inclined to say that Gray was taking too much of the blame. And Lyon had said some pretty nasty things that Natsu didn't think anyone deserved to have directed at them, no matter what they might have done. He didn't want to think that Gray might agree with any of those.

"About which part?" Natsu demanded belligerently. "That you don't deserve friends? That you deserve to die? Tell me, which part was he right about?"

He immediately regretted the tactless words, ruefully realizing that maybe he should have paid closer attention to Erza's advice, but Gray didn't rise to the bait. The ice mage didn't even glance over, and when he spoke, he didn't sound angry or defensive.

"That my actions led to Ur's death," he said expressionlessly.

Natsu considered that for a moment. He didn't know the whole story, but from what he had heard, Gray hadn't intentionally tried to endanger his master. He had made a mistake that had had unfortunate consequences. Natsu could see why he would blame himself, but he wondered if Gray really made the distinction between an accident resulting in death and actual murder.

"Do you think that you killed her?" he asked.

Because Lyon had told Gray that he had, and Gray had simply agreed. Natsu didn't like that.

"I did something that ultimately resulted in her death," Gray answered carefully.

Natsu didn't fail to notice how careful he was to sidestep the question, and his eyes narrowed. "Did you want her to die?" he asked bluntly.

That startled Gray enough that his head jerked around and he finally looked at Natsu, horrified pain shining in his eyes. "Of course not," he ground out. "What do you take me for?"

"What do I take you for?" Natsu repeated. "Well, not a murderer, for one."

Gray didn't reply for a moment, and he tilted his head away again so that he could rest his chin on his knees and look out into the darkness instead of at Natsu. "You weren't there, Natsu," he said softly.

"No, but maybe if you would just tell me what happened, I could understand," Natsu shot back, clenching his hands into helpless fists and staring down at them. "Maybe then I could understand why you think that you killed her instead of blaming the demon that forced her to use the spell. Did you expect anyone to die when you did what you did? Did you do it with the intention of harming anyone? Did you hold a weapon to Ur's throat and force the life out of her? Because I don't think that you did any of that, and I don't think that you exactly qualify as a murderer here. God, Gray, you were just a kid."

Gray sighed and stared straight ahead, his eyes unfocused. Natsu watched him uneasily.

"No, I didn't expect anyone else to get hurt," the ice mage said after a short pause. "It was only supposed to be me and the demon. Ur and Lyon weren't even supposed to be there. If I had known that they would follow me…

"Well, I want to say that I wouldn't have gone then, but I don't know if that's true or not. I was pretty messed up at that point. I was angry and grieving and I wanted revenge on Deliora regardless of the consequences. So maybe I would have gone anyway. If I had known she would die then I wouldn't have, but anything short of that… I don't think that anything short of that would have stopped me."

That reminded Natsu of something else that he hadn't known until Lyon had brought it up.

"Deliora also…" He trailed off and then tried again. "Deliora also killed your parents?"

Gray glanced back over, faint surprise shining in his eyes for a moment before it faded away and he returned to his scrutiny of some arbitrary point in front of him. "Oh, you weren't there when I told the others."

Natsu frowned, not sure what exactly Gray was talking about. He supposed that the others would have had some time together without him while he had run off to tilt the pyramid and fight Lyon, so maybe Gray had said something then. Maybe he shouldn't be surprised—it seemed like no one had the full story here. The others had missed Gray's attempts at iced shell, and apparently Natsu had missed the story about Gray's parents.

What he did know was that Lyon had certainly implied that Deliora had been responsible for the deaths of Gray's parents. Actually, the pointy-eyed bastard had specifically said that Gray had watched his parents die in front of him, and that made Natsu cringe in horrified sympathy. He had always known that Gray's parents weren't in the picture since he hadn't seen them in the almost ten years that he had known his friend, and he had figured that it was pretty likely that they were dead, but he hadn't suspected that they might have died so terribly. And if they had indeed died so terribly, Natsu hated Lyon all the more for taking advantage of that in his crucifixion of Gray.

"Gray…"

Gray sighed heavily. "You want to know what happened? You want to understand? Fine, I'll tell you. No point hiding it anymore now that you know the gist of it."

He didn't sound angry or irritated with Natsu, just tired and maybe a little sad. Natsu immediately felt bad, because it occurred to him that he had been prying. Even though he really wanted to know what had happened so that he could understand where Gray was coming from, he also didn't want to push his friend too much. Gray had already had a hard enough time dealing with Lyon. Now wasn't the time for being insensitive.

"I'm sorry," Natsu said, wishing that he had broached the subject more tactfully. "You don't have to–"

"Ten years ago," Gray interrupted, still not looking at Natsu, "Deliora went on a rampage through Isvan." Natsu fell silent and watched his friend apprehensively. "And one night it tore through the city I lived in. It only took a few hours for the entire city to be destroyed, and a lot of people died. Yeah, I watched it tear my parents apart. The only reason I survived was because a nearby building collapsed and I got stuck under the rubble. I suppose that there might have been survivors in other parts of the city, but I've never found any."

"I'm sorry," Natsu repeated quietly.

Gray sighed again. "It was a long time ago."

Maybe so, but Natsu could tell that it still bothered him. If nothing else, he suspected that this whole business with the demon had stirred up a lot of bad memories, and Natsu felt a little sick thinking about how Gray had watched his parents brutally killed when he was just a kid. It was terrible to think about.

It also bothered Natsu that Gray was still acting so odd. The ice mage had barely looked at Natsu this whole time, and when he did, he either didn't quite meet the dragon slayer's gaze or looked away again quickly. It was weird. Plus, Gray still seemed too expressionless and flat, which was a carryover from the earlier confrontation with Lyon.

Natsu thought that Lyon might not have realized how upset Gray was since he had put up a damn good mask, but Natsu had known Gray for a long time and he could tell that his friend had been fighting to keep it together through the whole tirade. And then he had kept it together as they finished the job, and through the start of the feast. And he was  _still_ refusing to allow himself to drop the charade, and Natsu didn't know why. It was making him worried that Gray was going to crack under the pressure soon.

"Anyway," Gray continued, dropping his chin back onto his knees, "Ur and Lyon were passing through and they found me. Lyon was already training under Ur at that point, and I asked her to train me too because I wanted to learn magic so that I could get revenge on Deliora. Maybe it sounds like a stupid plan, but it's kind of like what happened with Lyon now. He lost his goal and couldn't find a way to move on, so he ended up concocting a ridiculous scheme to fill that void. I had lost my home and my family, and as far as I was concerned, I didn't have anything left. My desire for revenge was the only thing that kept me going, really. When you feel like everything has been taken away, you have to find something to take its place.

"Ur agreed to teach me, and she tried to help me find a way to move on. Not that it really worked, because I wasn't really looking for reasons to keep going. I had my plan and that was it. She and Lyon kind of tried to become something of a surrogate family for me, but I sure didn't make it easy for them. I was grieving and angry and… I don't know. I was still pretty messed up at that point. I didn't want a new family, and I didn't really want to be happy. It's amazing they put up with me, really. I was gloomy and angry all the time."

That reminded Natsu of when he had first joined the guild and met Gray. His first impression of the ice mage had not exactly been favorable. Stripping aside, Gray's coldness and general irritability had definitely rubbed Natsu the wrong way at first. Knowing what he did now, Natsu supposed that wouldn't have been too long after Gray had lost his parents and Ur, so some of that unfriendliness had probably stemmed from grief rather than an instinctive dislike of everyone, like Natsu had originally assumed.

Natsu wondered what Gray had been like as a child, before he had watched a demon take away everyone he loved. How much had his personality changed from then? Natsu thought that perhaps Gray would be a much happier person today if none of the stuff with Deliora had happened, but then he also wouldn't have met Fairy Tail. No matter how much Natsu wanted Gray to be happy, he wasn't sure if he was willing to give up having met him entirely. Besides, Gray had changed a lot from the angry boy he had once been, and he usually seemed happy enough now. Or Natsu had thought so, anyway. But still, he needed to know.

"Are you happy now?" he asked. Gray shot him a bewildered look for a second before glancing away again, and Natsu hurried to clarify. "Not  _now-_ now. But you know, these days in general. Are you happy with us?"

Gray let out a breath as he considered it. "Not always," he said, "but then again, who's  _always_ happy? I suppose I'm happy often enough. The guild has done wonders for me, and things are nowhere near as bad as they were a few years ago. I know this all sounds super tragic, but it kind of fades to the background over the years, and it usually only gets bad again when something triggers old memories."

Natsu sensed a half-truth, but let it go. "Whatever happened, I think you still deserve to be happy," he said quietly.

Gray glanced over, startled, and actually held Natsu's gaze for a few seconds before he bit his lip and looked away again. The dragon slayer thought he might have seen a sheen of unshed tears shimmering faintly in Gray's dark eyes for an instant as the ice mage tilted his face into the shadows, but Gray continued on as if nothing had happened.

"Yeah," he murmured. He paused for a second before continuing the story. "Well, I guess Ur thought so too, because she tried really hard to help me sort things out. And she started wearing me down eventually, because I really did consider her and Lyon to be something like family after a while. Although it's amazing that she put up with the both of us," he added, a faint smile playing at the corners of his mouth for a moment. "We were both pretty screwed up in our own ways. Even back then, all Lyon cared about was getting stronger and surpassing Ur, and he had all sorts of funny ideas going on in his head. And of course, all I cared about was killing a demon, and I wasn't exactly a ray of sunshine. The two of us were always fighting and getting into trouble, too. We were one weird little makeshift family, but…" He swallowed hard. "But we made it work, until I went and screwed it up."

"Gray–"

"One day I overheard some travelers talking about how Deliora had been spotted in Brago," Gray said flatly as if hadn't heard Natsu. "It didn't matter that I knew I wasn't ready, that I knew it was a stupid idea to face down a demon. I was going to do it anyway."

He hugged his knees to his chest and his eyes narrowed as he stared at the ground. "So I left. Ur and Lyon told me not to go because I didn't stand a chance, but I didn't care. I said some…I said some pretty cruel things before I left." His voice quieted to almost a whisper and his eyes turned glassy. "Honestly, I said them because I didn't want her to follow me and because I thought that…I thought that maybe it would make it easier for them to let me go. You know, if I died. But thinking back, I think that some of those things might have had the opposite effect, because I was upset enough at that point that I wasn't really being careful about what I was saying."

Natsu sucked in a breath, not liking the implication that Gray had thought there was a good possibility that he would die but had gone after Deliora anyway. It sounded too much like a suicide mission for his taste.

"Gray–"

"But of course they came after me," Gray interrupted again. "You know, Lyon actually tried to use iced shell first. I guess he had found some of Ur's books and ran across the spell there, but he didn't read enough, because he obviously didn't realize the consequences. So I almost killed him first."

Natsu was a little startled by this turn of events. He hadn't really expected Lyon to do something like that. Although if he hadn't known the consequences, that might've explained it.

But the part Natsu really took offense at was Gray's last statement, because it was an admission that he really did feel like he had killed Ur and almost killed Lyon. If Gray had to blame anyone here, he should be blaming the demon.

"You didn't–" Natsu started belligerently.

Gray cut him off again, and this new habit of interrupting Natsu every time he tried to speak was getting a little irritating. Natsu almost complained about it, but one look at Gray's glassy, unfocused eyes told him that his friend wasn't really paying attention to him. Gray was only half here. Natsu was worried that the other half of Gray was in Brago, ten years ago.

"Ur stopped him, of course. Knocked him out cold to prevent him from using the spell. But she was going to do the exact same thing, because even though she was powerful—and she  _was_ extremely powerful—she couldn't defeat Deliora any other way." Gray grimaced. "She tried, of course. You know, she actually lost a leg in that fight, but she just made a prosthetic out of ice and kept going, because that's the kind of person she was."

He let out a choked laugh. "Actually, she pretty much turned it into a lesson, like, 'see how great molding magic is?' Because I had always maintained that it was pretty useless."

Natsu frowned at him in surprise. He had thought that Gray had always been really proud of his magic. And despite how often Natsu made fun of it, he had always secretly admired it as well.

"Well, that's what I always  _said_ , anyway," Gray said with a rueful half-smile that was devoid of any real humor. "I mean, I thought it was kind of cool to be able to create all sorts of things out of ice, but I was looking to take down a demon, so I didn't want versatility. I wanted raw power, something strong enough to help me kill Deliora, and I didn't think that molding could give me that. It was only after she died that I really figured out my own unique style, and once you find your true form, molding can be pretty damn powerful. So she was right about that, too." His voice dropped to almost a whisper again. "She had amazing magic, even though I didn't really give her credit for it until she was gone."

Natsu wanted to say something, but he had the feeling that Gray would just brush him off again, so he contented himself with watching his friend sadly.

"I begged her not to use the spell," Gray said softly. "I was going to do everything right and do everything she asked and be nicer to her and Lyon, but it was too late at that point. Honestly, we might have been able to just beat a hasty retreat if we had left when they first came to get me, because once Deliora realized that we weren't really a threat, it more or less ignored us and just kept tearing apart the city. But once Lyon tried to use iced shell… Well, that spell releases a huge amount of magical energy, and even though it was interrupted, it had already released enough magic to attract the demon's attention. And I'm not sure that she would have just left at that point regardless, because she wanted to fight my demons for me.

"So she used iced shell anyway."

Gray fell silent and stared blankly at the ground for several long moments. Natsu couldn't make himself speak, because this felt like a moment of silence in remembrance of the dead. It felt disrespectful to break the stillness, at least until Gray broke it first.

After a long pause, Gray finally spoke again.

"She actually said that–she said that she was going to seal my darkness," he whispered into the night, his voice wavering dangerously. "Because I had been so angry and obsessed with Deliora and she wanted me to be free of that and find something better to live for. But God, I wish she hadn't. She might have sealed one darkness, but she gave me another, because now I have to live with the guilt for the rest of my life. At least when my darkness was Deliora it felt like I had something to fight, something to strive to defeat, even if it wasn't necessarily a great plan. But when your darkness is yourself, how do you fight that? Before, I was angry at Deliora. Now I can only be angry at myself."

Natsu's heart twisted painfully. He wanted to do something to wipe that broken look off Gray's face, erase the self-loathing tone out of his voice, dry up the tears shimmering in his eyes. Natsu's usual method of problem-solving was to beat up whoever was causing the problem, but Gray was right that there was no easy opponent here. There was nothing to fight except Gray's own self-perceptions, and that would be a much harder battle than any demon could put up.

"And apparently it didn't even end there," Gray added sadly, "because look at what happened to Lyon. What I did…it basically turned him into me, as a kid. He's spent the last ten years obsessed with resurrecting Deliora so that he could surpass Ur after I killed her. You know what that sounds like? It sounds like how obsessed I was with defeating Deliora in the first place, after my parents were killed. I was so damn screwed up then. I don't want to think that I made him go through the same thing.

"I know you don't get why I still care about him, but you don't understand how we were as kids. We fought and I was usually angry and hard to get along with, but it was kind of like how you and I fight. After we got used to each other, we were really good friends. He was actually like–he was like a brother to me, even though I didn't always treat him that well. That's why it was so hard to fight him this time, because yeah, we used to fight, but not like this. Never like this. This was different, and it sucked.

"And even though it took me a while to warm up to him and Ur, I really did love them. They were the only people I had left after my parents died, and I managed to screw up both of their lives. Ur should still be alive, Lyon should have been living a normal life these past ten years without this stupid obsession, and I–I–"

He broke off and stared forlornly into the darkness. Natsu watched him intently, waiting to see if he would finish the thought, but he didn't.

"I sure hope you weren't going to say that you should be dead," the dragon slayer said finally, his voice flat.

Gray tilted his face downward and let his hair cloak his expression as he stared at the ground.

"I don't know, Natsu," he answered with a sigh. "I don't know what I was going to say."

Natsu resisted the urge to growl. He couldn't say for sure what Gray might have meant to say either, but he had an idea. In Gray's eyes, the easiest way to account for Ur still being alive and Lyon not being an obsessed freak would be to remove himself from the equation entirely. If Gray had died with his parents or if he had been killed when he went after Deliora afterward, the problem would have been solved. At least in Lyon's eyes. And probably in Gray's eyes. But not in Natsu's.

He didn't know if that line of thought was what was going through Gray's head right now, but if it was then he wanted to put a stop to it immediately.

"No one wants you dead," he said harshly. "Even that bastard Lyon eventually said that he didn't want you dead. There's no point playing what-if games with the past. They don't do any good, and besides, who knows what would have happened if you had died? Ur could have died in any number of other ways. You've done a lot of good and you've saved a lot of people's lives over the years. If you hadn't been around, who knows what would have happened?

"I can't say how it would have affected the world at large, but I can tell you how it would have affected Fairy Tail, because the guild would have been a lot less fun. And I wouldn't have my best friend anymore, and that would be pretty damn sad."

Gray's head jerked up at the last part, before he bit his lip and turned away again.

"Why won't you look at me?" Natsu demanded.

Gray hunched his shoulders and didn't respond, and Natsu ground his teeth in frustration. Then he paused. In that second that Gray had looked at him, Natsu had seen a mix of emotions behind the veil of unshed tears. The grief and guilt and pain were heart-wrenching but not terribly surprising. But now that he thought about it, Natsu thought that he could identify another emotion too: shame.

And suddenly he had a pretty good idea of why Gray couldn't seem to meet his eyes. Now that he thought about it, Gray hadn't made good eye contact since that last confrontation with Lyon. Even during that mess, he had mostly looked at the ground. Natsu didn't like it.

"Look at me," he said.

Gray didn't move for a moment, but then he slowly turned to look over at the dragon slayer. His eyes settled on a spot just below Natsu's eyes, and they kept quickly darting away until he forced them to refocus. Natsu sighed.

Reaching out, he grasped Gray's chin and forced it upwards. That startled the ice mage enough that he finally met Natsu's eyes.

"Good," Natsu told him. "Now stay like that."

He released Gray and let his hand drop to his side. Gray's gaze immediately dropped to the ground again, almost automatically, but he quickly forced it back upwards and stared at Natsu uncertainly. It would have to be enough.

Natsu stared into Gray's eyes intently, needing to make sure that his friend understood.

"We don't think any less of you because of this," he said quietly. "We aren't going to turn on you or stop caring about you or anything. Gray, whatever you've done, whatever mistakes you've made, we aren't ashamed of you. This doesn't change anything between us. I mean, we understand you a little better and we know more than we did, but if you think that's going to ruin what we have, you have another thing coming.

"I don't care what that asshole said. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to have friends who care about you. You're one of us and you'll always be one of us. We want to help, Gray. We don't want to watch you hurt, okay? And I don't–I don't really know what to do because I suck at this kind of thing, but I'll be here when you need me. I'm not going anywhere. You're still my best friend."

Natsu stared at Gray earnestly, searching his friend's eyes for any sign that he understood. Gray's eyes slowly filled with the tears he had been holding back for the past several hours. He exhaled shakily and tried to smile at Natsu, even though it came out wrong and was less than convincing when he had tears dripping down his face.

"Yeah," he breathed, his voice wavering. "I know. You've always–you've always been there. And I know–I know that you'd stand by me through anything, even if maybe you shouldn't. I know that you aren't ashamed of me, even if you should be. But Natsu, I'm ashamed of myself."

Natsu's heart twisted painfully at the words, and Gray's silent tears intensified as he dropped his head to bury it in his arms.

"I'm sorry," Gray whispered brokenly. "I'm so sorry."

Natsu needed to do something—anything—to make this better, but something was holding him back. He didn't know what he could really do. He had a terrible feeling that this wasn't something he could fix. He had said the important things that Gray had needed to be reminded of, but he couldn't make Gray forgive himself.

It felt like it wasn't really his place to say the words that might bring Gray solace. Natsu hadn't been there when Gray had made his mistake, and he didn't have the power to offer absolution for it. But surely he would have to come up with something to say, because he couldn't just sit here helplessly and watch his friend cry.

Nothing came to him. He was drawing a complete blank, and he didn't know how to make this better. Luckily, he didn't have to, because it was at that moment that an unexpected voice came from behind them and broke the silence.

"I forgive you."

Natsu's head jerked up and he hurriedly scrambled to his feet, growling deep in the back of his throat as he picked up Lyon's scent wafting out of the darkness. The other ice mage was standing a few feet behind the Fairy Tail mages, watching them expressionlessly.

"You again," Natsu snarled, his hands clenching into fists.

He should have been able to hear or smell the bastard coming, but he had been so distracted by Gray that he had completely missed the signs. He wondered how long Lyon had been standing there listening to them talk.

Beside Natsu, Gray hastily stood up as well and spun around to face Lyon. "L–Lyon?"

He tilted his head away so that his face was concealed by his hair and the shadows of the night, as if he was still trying to hide the tears that Lyon wasn't supposed to have seen. His posture screamed of uncertainty and apprehension, and he looked as if he wanted to shrink back into the trees and disappear.

Natsu was itching to burn Lyon to a crisp right then and there, but he forced himself to wait. For one, Gray wouldn't thank him for it. Aside from that, the other ice mage looked like he could barely stand after the beating Gray had given him earlier. Natsu took a little sadistic satisfaction in that, but he was reluctant to attack someone who was already beaten.

But the main reason he didn't take Lyon out immediately was that the other mage hadn't made any move to be aggressive yet, and because he seemed like maybe he was actually willing to be civil this time. Which, to be honest, wouldn't have stopped Natsu from punching the bastard in the face, but he suspected that Gray might need this. Natsu hadn't been there, didn't have the right to absolve Gray of guilt, but Lyon had been there and maybe he was better-suited to helping Gray. If he didn't rip Gray apart first. Natsu would restrain himself not for Lyon's sake, but for Gray's.

But if the asshole even  _looked_ like he might be about to say something cruel, Natsu would take him out without a second thought.

For now, Lyon just stared at Gray with an inscrutable gaze, completely ignoring Natsu. "I lied earlier," he said finally, after a long pause. "I forgive you."

Natsu wasn't sure if Gray was actually breathing, but then a choked sound worked its way out of his throat and he covered his face with his hands. Natsu watched helplessly as Gray's body shook with silent sobs, even though he was clearly trying to hold himself together. The dragon slayer didn't want to watch Gray break. He tore his gaze away to look over at Lyon instead. His belligerent gaze challenged the other mage to express any kind of satisfaction, because if he so much as looked smug, Natsu was going to tear him limb from limb.

Lyon's face was unreadable. He didn't look satisfied or smug, but Natsu couldn't be sure of exactly what he was feeling. Natsu didn't know why Lyon was here, didn't know what Lyon was thinking or feeling or planning to do.

Lyon watched Gray impassively for a moment longer before the corners of his lips were tugged downward in a faint frown. He took a few hesitant steps forward, paused uncertainly, and then wrapped his arms awkwardly around Gray. Gray made a startled noise at the unexpected contact and immediately tried to wriggle out of Lyon's grasp, but the older mage's eyes narrowed slightly and he tightened his grip. After a few seconds of futile struggling, Gray gave up and buried his face in Lyon's chest as he cried, his hands moving away from his face to fist in the other man's shirt.

Natsu hesitated as he watched the two ice mages. He felt like he was intruding, like this wasn't something he should stand here watching. He should leave and let them have their reconciliation or whatever the hell this was supposed to be. But he was also reluctant to go, because he was worried that Lyon's intentions might not be as good as they seemed. Gray was strong and tough and could take care of himself, but right now he was in a fragile emotional state. Everything with Deliora's revival and the conflicts with Lyon had worn him down and left him fragile and insecure. Natsu had no doubt that Gray would overcome that and be back to his normal annoying self in a couple days, but for now he might not be able to handle it if Lyon pulled another stunt like he had earlier.

Maybe Gray needed this, needed some kind of forgiveness or absolution, but if Lyon was in a position to provide him with some kind of comfort, he could just as easily make things a hundred times worse. Natsu didn't trust Lyon at all, but he knew that this was something the two ice mages would have to work out for themselves.

Lyon watched Natsu over Gray's bowed head, his gaze inscrutable. Natsu knew that the older mage was waiting for him to leave. The dragon slayer's mouth twisted in distaste and he stepped forward, leaning in so that his mouth was just beside Lyon's ear.

"If you hurt him again, I will kill you," he whispered coldly, every word heavy with promise.

He leaned back and glared at the other man. Lyon stared back expressionlessly, but he nodded slightly. Natsu hesitated a moment longer, his gaze darting between Lyon and Gray, but then he let out a breath and quietly headed back towards the village.

He would just have to trust that Gray could take care of himself. Except… His steps slowed and then faltered as he paused again. Gray  _could_ take care of himself, but  _would_ he? Natsu wasn't so worried about Gray being physically injured since Lyon wasn't in any shape for fighting, but the older ice mage didn't need to be in peak physical condition to inflict damaging emotional scars.

But still, the main problem was that Natsu wasn't sure that Gray would actually defend himself if Lyon tried anything. Because Gray hadn't defended himself against any of the accusations Lyon had thrown at him earlier, hadn't even defended himself when Lyon had punched him. In fact, Natsu was a little suspicious that part of the reason Gray had been beaten so badly the first time he had faced off against Lyon was because he hadn't wanted to fight the other mage and hadn't put his all into it. Yes, he had turned around and defeated Lyon when it really mattered, but only because it was the only way to try putting an end to the whole stupid scheme. Now that Gray didn't feel like he had any pressing reason to take down Lyon, would he defend himself if he needed to?

Natsu curled his hands into fists, but forced himself to start walking again. If it came to that then it would be Gray's fight, Gray's decision. Natsu would track Lyon down later to teach him a lesson, but he had to let Gray make his own choices for now.

He reached the village pretty quickly, and headed for where Lucy, Erza, and Happy were sitting. They looked up as he approached, and their worried expressions immediately deepened.

"Where's Gray?" Erza asked in concern. "I thought you were bringing him back?"

Natsu sat down beside them and shrugged distractedly, his unwavering gaze and attention focused on the trees ringing the village where he anticipated Gray would eventually emerge from.

"Yeah, he should be back soon," he replied absently.

"Didn't you talk to him?" Lucy asked.

"Yeah, we talked."

"And?" Happy pressed. Natsu glanced at him, his brows wrinkling in confusion, before returning to his vigil. "And is he okay?" the Exceed clarified.

Natsu shrugged. "I think he will be. Eventually."

The others exchanged glances, although Natsu was only half-aware of them since he was still distracted.

"Well, now seems like a good time for you to explain some of the things that happened today," Erza said finally.

Natsu sighed but agreed. He figured that they might as well get it out of the way before Gray got back. So he quietly told them about Gray's two attempts to use iced shell. He felt that the things he had just talked about with Gray were the ice mage's story to share, so he glossed over that bit, although he did provide some of the basic details to fill in the gaps of their knowledge of what had happened.

He was really only half paying attention as he talked, because he was still on edge waiting for Gray to return. His eyes remained fixed on the surrounding woods, and he was listening carefully for any sign of his friend's approach. Gray and Lyon were too far away for Natsu to be able to hear them from here, but once Gray got closer, Natsu should be able to hear his footsteps.

Sensing his distraction, the others quietly drifted away once he had finished telling them the story. The villagers had begun cleaning up the feast, so Natsu absently made his way to the far end of the village square to watch and wait from the shadows of the huts there.

He didn't know how long he had been waiting, but it was longer than he would have liked. He was beginning to toy with the idea of going back to check on Gray, but then his sensitive ears finally began picking up some quiet snatches of conversation.

"…and you should really…that dragon slayer of yours…he's insane."

Natsu narrowed his eyes and concentrated on Lyon's voice. He didn't know why that jerk was coming back too.

"Natsu?" Gray asked. The dragon slayer could almost hear a faint smile in his voice as he said, "He's not so bad."

There was a long pause, and Natsu strained to hear if anything else was being said.

"You've really found some good friends, huh?" Lyon asked finally.

The voices were getting louder, and now Natsu could hear footsteps crunching through the leaf litter as well. The ice mages were getting closer.

"Yeah," Gray said quietly. "They're pretty great. They've gotten me through a lot."

Natsu saw a flash of white against the surrounding blackness. After a second, the rest of Lyon came into view as well, Gray walking by his side. They both still looked pretty uncomfortable with each other, and Gray had his hands jammed in his pockets and his eyes firmly fixed on the ground at his feet. Natsu looked for any sign that Lyon had done something wrong, but other than red-rimmed eyes, Gray looked fine.

"Good," Lyon said after a brief pause, his voice subdued. "That's good."

Gray looked up sharply and glanced at Lyon in surprise. "Is it?" he asked uncertainly.

Natsu gritted his teeth, but he knew where Gray was coming from, given the fact that Lyon had told him that he didn't deserve friends. But it still bothered him how insecure and uncertain Gray was acting around Lyon. It rubbed Natsu the wrong way to see his normally confident friend reduced to a vulnerable, hesitant wreck by this ghost of his past.

For his part, Lyon let out a breath and stared at the ground with narrowed eyes. "Yeah," he muttered. "It is."

Gray looked startled, but started to smile faintly before Erza and the others finally noticed the pair of ice mages. Erza's hand immediately dropped to her sword.

"What the hell, Natsu?" she ground out, turning to look over at the dragon slayer. "You didn't say that Lyon showed up again!"

Natsu tore his gaze away from Gray and Lyon to blink at Erza uncertainly. "I didn't?"

He thought about it, and realized that he really hadn't. He had been so distracted and tense worrying about what Lyon might do that he had never actually come out and told the others that he'd reappeared.

He smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, I guess I was distracted."

"Well, I guess that explains why you were so tensed up," Happy commented.

Natsu nodded in agreement.

"Can I cut him up just a little bit?" Erza asked longingly, shooting a death glare at Lyon.

The ice mages had broken off their conversation as they noticed the others watching them. Gray looked at them uncertainly, but Lyon's expression remained unreadable and his steps didn't falter as he headed directly through the village towards Natsu. The dragon slayer was initially surprised that while the villagers gave Lyon suspicious and confused looks, they didn't immediately get angry at him. Then he realized that they would never have seen Lyon before since they hadn't been able to contact the ice mage and his crew until love girl, dog-man, and eyebrows dude had attacked their village. Still, Natsu thought it prudent to get Lyon out of there as quickly as possible.

Gray kept pace with Lyon at first, but then stopped by Erza and the others as Lucy called out something to him. Natsu's attention was on Lyon now, so he wasn't really paying attention to the others, but he knew that Gray was talking to them. Probably explaining what had happened or convincing them not to skewer Lyon.

Lyon didn't pause until he was standing directly in front of Natsu. The dragon slayer eyed him with a combination of wariness and distaste, but Lyon's face was hard to read. Natsu thought it was maybe a little ironic, because this was kind of how Gray had put on that impassive mask earlier, when Lyon was attacking him.

"He was right earlier," Lyon said finally. He pursed his lips and looked off to the side. "So…thank you."

Natsu stared at him uncomprehendingly for a moment before it came to him. Gray had told Lyon that he should really thank Natsu for preventing him from using iced shell. That was the only thing Natsu could think of that Lyon might be referring to now.

"I didn't do it for you," he said bluntly. "But you're welcome."

Lyon just nodded and twisted around to look back at where Gray was still answering the team's insistent questions.

"I'm heading out," he called over. "Bye, Gray."

Gray looked over and his eyes seemed to dim, although Natsu didn't know why. "Goodbye, Lyon," he said quietly.

Natsu frowned over at him, trying to figure out why Gray seemed vaguely disappointed. He glanced over at Lyon, wondering if he had done something to Gray after all, but the older mage also looked faintly puzzled. Then his eyes seemed to clear and he let out a breath.

"Maybe I'll see you around," he grumbled.

Gray blinked at him in surprise for a moment and twisted his hands together uncertainly, but Natsu thought he saw the faintest flicker of fragile hope in his dark eyes.

"See you later," he replied.

Natsu just shook his head, still not really understanding why Gray might want to ever see Lyon again. The dragon slayer would be more than happy to keep Lyon far, far away. But if this was what Gray needed… Well, Natsu wouldn't be happy about it, but he'd accept it if he had to.

Lyon turned back towards Natsu. The dragon slayer gave him an unfriendly look which, sadly, didn't seem to faze the other man. Lyon eyed Natsu up and down for a second, before starting forward.

"Take care of him," he muttered as he walked past Natsu.

Natsu turned and watched him disappear out of the village. He really did not understand that man. It was just too damn weird how he had first been a total jerk and then randomly decided to come back and maybe try to start making things up to Gray. It didn't make sense to Natsu. He still didn't understand why Lyon had come back at all, and he couldn't figure out what he was feeling. He suspected that Lyon might not really understand either. That was a tangled mess of emotions if ever there was one, and Natsu had the feeling that Lyon would be trying to sort it out for a long time to come.

He shook his head again and turned back to the others, only to see that Gray was walking up to him.

"By the way, flame brain," Gray said, raising an eyebrow, "I can take care of myself."

Natsu started in surprise and threw him a look of disbelief. "You heard him?"

That shouldn't be possible. Lyon had been very quiet, and Gray had been a good ways away. Under those circumstances, Natsu could have probably heard it with his enhanced hearing, but Gray shouldn't have been able to.

But Gray's brow crinkled in confusion. "What?" he asked uncertainly. He frowned and glanced over at where Lyon had disappeared. "Did he say something?"

Okay, so Gray hadn't heard Lyon. Then what…?

Natsu's eyes widened. "You heard me earlier?"

Gray turned back and gave him a pointed look. "Your mouth was like two inches away from my head," he said dryly. "Of course I heard you."

"Oh." Natsu rubbed at his face to hide his embarrassment. He had thought he had been really quiet when he warned Lyon not to hurt Gray again, but apparently not quiet enough.

"If anyone needs killing, I can handle it," Gray said, a touch of amusement coloring his voice. Then his eyes softened. "But…thank you, Natsu."

Natsu blinked at him uncertainly. Suddenly everyone was thanking him for things, and it was weird.

"Uh…you're welcome?" Then a sly grin spread across his face. "You're not so bad yourself."

Gray stared at him blankly, and Natsu waited for the words to click. The ice mage considered it, seeming to realize that there must be some ulterior meaning to the words if Natsu was smirking like that. Natsu's grin widened as recognition finally flickered in Gray's eyes.

"You and that damn dragon hearing of yours," Gray said ruefully, smiling a little sheepishly.

Natsu laughed, but quickly sobered when he realized that his friend had turned serious again. Gray's gaze had dropped away from Natsu's, and he scuffed his foot on the ground uncertainly. After a moment, he looked back up to meet Natsu's eyes again. The dragon slayer could tell that he was still having a little difficulty maintaining eye contact, but Gray forced himself to do it anyway, probably because Natsu had asked him to.

"But really," Gray said quietly, "thank you." Then, before Natsu could respond, he glanced back at where the others were walking over. "I don't know about you," he said cheerfully, "but I'm beat. I'm going to head to bed."

He grinned at them—it was only half genuine, but it was there—and headed for their little hut, leaving Natsu gaping after him. The dragon slayer shook his head slowly. He wasn't sure that he would ever really understand ice mages. But still… He thought back to when Lyon had thanked him just a few minutes earlier, recalling his response and mentally revising it for Gray.

_'You're welcome. I did it all for you.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you couldn't tell, I really couldn't come up with a good way to end this one, so I fell back on the stylistic ending of the first piece.


	3. Bonus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, this was written waaaaaaaay after the fact, but yay, surprise bonus chapter. This is honestly just some extra closure for Gray, but also for Lyon and Natsu as well. This is pretty self-indulgent drivel lol

* * *

It was a couple months after the incident on Galuna Island that Lyon walked into the Fairy Tail guild hall one morning. Natsu was the first to see him, and he was not pleased. Lyon should not be here, and Natsu wanted him gone right this second.

"What the hell do you think you're doing here?" the dragon slayer growled belligerently, jumping up from where he had been sitting with Happy, Erza, and Lucy. He advanced on Lyon menacingly, his eyes flashing daggers at the other man.

"Natsu, be polite to guests," Mira scolded, giving him a disapproving look.

He ignored her, and she seemed to realize that something bigger was going on when the rest of the team moved to join him, none of them looking any friendlier. Erza's hand had dropped to where the pommel of her sword would be if she was wearing one, and although her fingers closed on empty air, she looked like she might requip at the slightest provocation. Lucy didn't look quite as violent, but she leveled an impressive glare at Lyon nonetheless, and Happy hovered by her shoulder, his fur fluffed out angrily. They were all still acutely aware of what had happened last time Lyon had shown up, and none of them wanted a repeat performance. The fact that he was here didn't necessarily bode well.

"Where is he?" Lyon asked, staring back at them with unreadable eyes.

"Not here yet," Natsu snapped. "And if you know what's good for you, you'll be gone by the time he arrives. Now get the fuck out."

Lyon's expression didn't change, and Natsu wondered what the hell was going on in his head. The dragon slayer couldn't understand him at all, and he didn't know why he was here now. It was true that Lyon had come back after his verbal attack of Gray to at least start making things up to the younger ice mage, and it was also true that Gray apparently still wanted to patch things up with him, but Natsu didn't trust Lyon at all. Maybe Lyon's intentions in coming here today were good. But maybe not, and Natsu wasn't willing to take that chance after what had happened last time.

"No," Lyon said flatly.

Natsu's eyes narrowed and his anger flared up again, but it was Erza that spoke.

"You have no business being here," she told Lyon coldly. "Leave at once."

The other mage shrugged indifferently. "I don't have any business with  _you_ ," he conceded. "But I'm not leaving until I talk to him."

Natsu's scowl deepened. "I don't know what you think you're playing at, but you'd better rethink it right now. I have never— _never_ —seen him more broken than when you were through with him. I don't care that you came back afterward. You were the one who tore him apart in the first place, and he's  _still_  not back to normal yet. You need to stay the hell away from him."

Natsu hadn't seen Gray break down again like he had that one night on Galuna, but he'd been keeping an eye on his friend all the same. Gray was acting pretty normal, but sometimes Natsu could tell that he wasn't doing so well. The last thing Gray needed was Lyon coming back to screw things up again.

Something flickered in Lyon's eyes, but it was gone as quickly as it had come and the older mage was as impassive as before.

"Be that as it may–"

Natsu cut him off, cursing loudly. "Damn it, he's coming," he hissed. He had been keeping a lookout for any sign that his friend was coming while he tried to get Lyon out of here, and now his keen dragon hearing could pick up Gray's distinctive footsteps approaching the door to the guild. He threw Lyon the most threatening look he could muster. "You had better think very carefully about what you say. The only reason I didn't burn you alive last time was because he didn't want me to, and I still regret it. Don't tempt me."

Lyon rolled his eyes, but Natsu was already turning away, making a beeline for the door. If he couldn't make Lyon disappear in time, then the next best thing was to catch Gray before he realized that the older mage was here so that he wasn't caught totally off guard by the bastard's sudden appearance.

The doors swung open as Gray pushed his way in. He was frowning faintly at the ground and appeared rather distracted, but at any moment he could look up and see Lyon there.

"Hey, Gray–" Natsu started.

Gray looked up and his eyes immediately locked on Natsu as he spotted the dragon slayer heading towards him. "Not now, flame brain," he said. "If you want to fight then we can do it tomorrow. I'm only here to pick up a job, and then I'll be gone for the rest of the day. Tomorrow we can–"

Gray broke off, his voice dying in his throat. His gaze had caught on something behind Natsu, and the dragon slayer came to a stop, realizing that it was too late. He could tell that his friend had noticed Lyon, because Gray's face immediately paled and he unconsciously took a half-step back.

"L–Lyon?" he stammered, his eyes widening. "Why are you here?"

Natsu grimaced and reluctantly moved to the side so that he was no longer standing in between the two mages. He would just have to watch from the sidelines for now and hope for the best.

Lyon crossed his arms loosely across his chest and stared back at Gray expressionlessly. "You know why I'm here."

Gray winced. "No, I really don't," he replied, his voice tight. "I know what today is, but that doesn't really explain  _why_  you're here."

Natsu frowned over at Gray. One thing was for sure—he didn't know what today apparently was, but if it had to do with Lyon then it couldn't be good.

Lyon just let out a breath and shook his head slightly. "Judging by the fact that your dragon slayer doesn't seem to think that you should be any more upset than usual, I'm going to assume that you didn't tell your friends that today was the anniversary?"

Gray winced again and looked away, his eyes fixing on some arbitrary point on the floor off to the left. "No," he said quietly.

Natsu's eyes narrowed. Anniversary? He was starting to get a bad feeling about this. Studying Gray carefully, he looked for any sign that his friend was more upset than he was letting on. Natsu thought that maybe there was something dark and pained lurking in Gray's eyes, but he couldn't be sure.

"And you weren't planning on telling them," Lyon added. It wasn't quite a question.

"No," Gray agreed, still staring at the ground.

"So your grand plan was…what? Grab a job and run off so that you can mourn all day by yourself?" Lyon's voice still didn't display any overt emotion, but his lips tightened slightly.

There was a brief pause. The normal hustle and bustle of the guild had long since quieted to a dead silence. Natsu wasn't sure if Gray was really aware of it since he was so focused on Lyon, but the rest of the guild had taken a keen interest in the proceedings.

"…Yes," Gray said finally.

Natsu exhaled slowly, putting the pieces together. Today was apparently an anniversary, and probably a death anniversary judging by how Lyon was talking. So something to do with either Gray's parents or Ur, probably. Natsu assumed that it was about Ur since Lyon was here, and if today had anything to do with Ur's death then he wanted Lyon gone even more. Gray would be more fragile than usual, and Lyon would have more opportunity to screw things up.

And Gray obviously hadn't been planning on telling Natsu or the others anything. He was just going to run off on his own and then come back when he felt like pretending to be happy again. Natsu honestly understood why Gray would do that, but at the same time it hurt, just a little bit. Not that Natsu's feelings were the main issue here.

He watched Gray sadly. Now that he was really looking for it… Underneath all the tension and anxiety Lyon's appearance had evoked, Natsu could see some of Gray's sadness seeping through.

"Idiot," Lyon grumbled. Natsu tensed and looked back over at him, ready to claw his eyes out. If the older mage noticed Natsu's renewed hostility, he didn't show it. He kept his eyes fixed on Gray instead. "Weren't you the one yammering on about how your friends have gotten you through so much? This is a little hypocritical, considering how much you went on about how friends are there for you in your darkest times and whatever." His eyes narrowed slightly. "So why?"

Gray let out his breath in a huff and crossed his arms defensively across his chest as he stared moodily at the ground. "I don't know," he muttered. "It's the way I've always done it. It's worked for me for ten years; I don't see why I should change it now."

Lyon stayed silent for a moment, studying Gray even though the younger mage was still resolutely looking away.

"Well, then," he said finally, his voice devoid of emotion, "go pick out your job and let's go."

That startled Gray into finally looking up, and he stared at Lyon wide-eyed. "What?"

Lyon scowled faintly and glanced away. "Go grab a job and let's go do it," he repeated.

Gray didn't move for a moment, but then he slowly began inching towards the request board, keeping a wary eye on Lyon as if he was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"You don't have to give me that kicked puppy look," Lyon grumbled, looking up to watch Gray. "I'm not scared of your dragon slayer. If I was here to throw around accusations or start a fight, I would have done it already."

Natsu turned his attention back to Lyon and scowled. He wasn't sure how much he was liking this newest development, but it was ultimately Gray's decision to go with Lyon or stay here.

And honestly, Natsu already disliked Lyon enough. Throwing insults wasn't going to win the dragon slayer over.

"Well, maybe you should be," Natsu said coldly.

Lyon tore his gaze away from Gray as well, to look down his nose at Natsu. "Well, I'm not," he said dismissively. "Maybe it's the hair. It kind of ruins the effect."

Natsu's scowl deepened. What an annoying asshole.

"Just keep in mind what I said last time," he shot back, glaring at the other man. "I won't hesitate to follow through."

Lyon stared at him blankly, but then recognition flickered in his eyes. "Oh, you mean how you said you'd kill me if I hurt him again?" He snorted and gave Natsu an infuriatingly condescending look. "Maybe that would be more intimidating if I thought you'd actually do it, but I've heard of your guild and its values. Fairy Tail mages don't kill, isn't that right?"

Natsu opened his mouth to retort, but paused as his sensitive ears picked up a slight sound, more audible than it should have been in the dead silence cloaking the guild hall. It sounded almost like paper crinkling, and he glanced toward the source automatically. He would have dismissed it immediately and turned back to Lyon, except that he had spotted Gray.

Gray was still standing in front of the request board. His back was turned to them, but Natsu noticed that his head was bowed and he had clenched his fist around the job request he was holding, which was what had made the sound that had caught Natsu's attention. Natsu frowned slightly. His friend seemed suddenly tense, and he didn't know why.

"Gray?" he asked cautiously.

Gray didn't respond, although his head lowered a little further. Natsu blinked at him in bewilderment and then glanced helplessly at Lyon, wondering if the older mage had said something offensive and he'd just been too dense to pick up on it. But no, Lyon looked faintly puzzled as well, his brows knitting together as he studied Gray. After a second, his eyes widened almost comically.

"Oh shit." For the first time since he had walked into the guild hall, his impassive masked slipped a little. "I didn't mean it like that, Gray. You didn't kill her."

Natsu winced and let out a breath as he finally reached the same conclusion that Lyon had. Some of the other guild members shifted uncertainly and a few of them started whispering to each other. Natsu wished they'd just shut up. Gray hadn't been very open about his past with most of the guild, even after what had happened on Galuna. Natsu understood why the others were curious at such a strange pronouncement and it looked like Gray was going to have to finally come clean with them now, but this wasn't the time or place.

If Gray noticed the others' interest, he didn't show any sign of it. Letting out a breath, he finally turned away from the board. He began walking back towards Natsu and Lyon, his steps short and clipped in a way that accentuated the tension that still radiated from his body.

"It doesn't matter," he said tightly. "That's just a matter of semantics and you know it."

"No, it's really not," Lyon said with a sigh.

Gray just shrugged, not looking at anyone as he stopped in front of Lyon and began smoothing out the wrinkled job request. "Are you coming or not?" he asked shortly.

Lyon stared at him for a moment and then bit his lip. "You told me that I needed to let go of the past and start moving on," he said quietly. "And I'm working on that. If I can do it, then maybe it's time that you do too."

Natsu was watching Gray's face carefully, so he saw the exact moment when something within his friend snapped.

"Yes, well you aren't the one who killed her, are you?" Gray shot back, his eyes flashing with something akin to anger, although Natsu could detect a distinct edge of grief.

"You didn't–"

But Gray wasn't willing to listen to Lyon right now. He had been exuding a sense of tension ever since he had seen the older mage, and that pressure had finally reached a boiling point. Natsu suspected that the problem wasn't only Lyon's appearance, but also the grief his friend had been trying to suppress ever since he had walked in here. Gray had finally snapped under the weight of his grief and guilt, and the words seemed to flow out of him as if a dam had broken, releasing everything he had been holding inside for ten years.

It was terrible to behold.

"Oh, please, Lyon," Gray hissed, throwing his hands into the air. "You know it as well as I do, and you've made your position on the issue very clear. I don't know why you're acting as if you've changed your mind now. I don't need your pity any more than I needed your blame.

"You and I both know why she's dead. The demon killed my parents but it didn't kill her, not really. All you have to do to move on is find a way to work through your grief. You had me to blame and hate for all these years, but what about me? The demon was gone, so there wasn't any point being any angrier at it, was there? It didn't fucking kill her. I could blame it for my parents, but not for Ur. You hated me, Lyon, but tell me, who was left for  _me_ to hate?"

Gray glared at the older mage, although Natsu could tell that he was less angry at Lyon and more angry at himself. Because now that Gray had said something, had admitted to how much he blamed himself, Natsu could make out the self-loathing in his eyes and it made the dragon slayer feel sick. He could see that Lyon had figured out the answer to that last rhetorical question as well, because he sucked in a breath and his eyes widened.

"Oh God," Lyon breathed, his air of nonchalance finally crumbling as he stared at Gray in horror. "How much of this is my fault?"

That seemed to finally snap Gray out of it, and he frowned in confusion as the frenzied anger faded from his eyes. "What?" he asked uncertainly, a faintly bewildered look spreading across his face as he blinked at Lyon helplessly.

Lyon clenched his hands into fists at his sides, his fingernails digging into his palms.

"You want to know why I'm here?" he asked, his voice wavering slightly before it steadied again. "I'm here because I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I blamed you and that I told you that you killed her. I'm sorry that I walked away and left you there crying even though I knew that everyone you loved was dead and you had no one left. I'm sorry I revived the damn demon and almost forced you to use iced shell to seal it again. And God, I'm sorry for all the things I said afterward. I'm sorry for everything I said about your parents. I'm sorry I said that you didn't deserve to use her magic, that you didn't deserve friends, that you didn't even deserve to still be alive. I'm sorry that I said I wanted you to be dead and that I would never forgive you.

"I'm just… I'm sorry, okay? So please, just…just stop doing this to yourself. I didn't mean it, okay? I didn't mean it."

Lyon seemed to shrink into himself the more he talked, and his gaze dropped to the floor. Now that he wasn't pretending to be uninterested and impassive, Natsu could see that edge of guilt and sadness eating away at him as well, and even though the dragon slayer hated this man, he couldn't help but feel a twinge of sympathy anyway. Everything Lyon had said was heartfelt and laden with regret, and Natsu finally allowed himself to consider the possibility that the older mage really did have good intentions in coming here and that he truly did want to make things up to Gray.

For his part, Gray was the one whose face had become unreadable this time. He stared at Lyon impassively, and let the silence drag on for a few long seconds after the older mage had finished his apology.

"Yes you did," he said finally, his voice flat.

Natsu couldn't figure out what his friend was feeling. Gray didn't seem angry, didn't seem like he blamed Lyon despite his assertion, but his face was suddenly so neutral that it was impossible to read.

Lyon winced and flinched. "Okay, I meant some of it back then," he admitted quietly, his voice subdued. "But I don't mean it now."

Gray didn't answer for a moment, but then he sighed softly. "I know," he said. Then his lips tightened. "But don't flatter yourself."

Lyon's head jerked up and he blinked at Gray uncertainly. "Huh?"

Gray stared back steadily, his dark eyes displaying no emotion. "I don't think so highly of you that I take your word as law," he said flatly. "I didn't need your help coming up with any of this bullshit—I did that all on my own, thank you very much. Don't even think about trying to take credit for the things I've done. I don't need your apologies. Didn't I already say that I forgave you?"

Lyon gaped at him, his own eyes brimming with emotion and shimmering with unshed tears. Natsu stared at Gray as well, recognizing what it was that his friend had done.

Gray had told Lyon that despite everything he had said and done, he hadn't contributed to Gray's state of mind and had no reason to feel guilty for it. Natsu didn't know how true that was—surely Lyon's words and actions must have at least played a role in how much Gray blamed himself, even if the dragon slayer was painfully aware that his friend was perfectly capable of blaming himself without outside help—but somehow Gray had ended up trying to comfort Lyon, despite the fact that Natsu rather thought that Gray was the one who should be being comforted right now.

Natsu shook his head slowly. He was of the opinion that maybe Gray should at least pay Lyon back for some of the terrible things the older mage had said and hold him responsible for them. But then again… Natsu sighed. He supposed that it was hard to really want to make someone feel even worse when they were clearly feeling bad already. He still didn't fully understand why Gray still cared about Lyon so much, but he had to admit that his own hatred towards the other ice mage was slowly slipping away, although he still couldn't say that he cared for him overmuch.

"I'm going to go do this job," Gray continued, glancing back down at the job request in his hands so that he didn't have to look at Lyon any longer. "You can come or not."

Lyon exhaled shakily. "Yeah, I'm coming. But Gray, I meant it. It really isn't your–"

Gray's head snapped up and something flashed in his eyes. "Don't tell me that it's not my fault," he interrupted harshly. "I don't want to hear that. Not today. Just…not today."

Natsu grimaced and unconsciously dug his fingernails into his palms. He didn't like that Gray was still blaming himself and didn't seem to want to stop. Natsu had tried getting through to him on Galuna and he knew that he more or less had, but he also knew that guilt was something that was hard to let go of, however irrational it might be. It was going to take time.

He thought that it might also take Lyon. Lyon had blamed Gray, and if he really could let go of that hate and convince Gray that what had happened wasn't his fault… Well, maybe Gray would eventually believe him. Natsu hoped so. And it looked like Lyon might be willing to try. As much as Natsu detested the idea of working with the other mage, he would do it if it would help Gray.

Lyon sighed at Gray's words, but although he looked a little disappointed and regretful, he didn't appear surprised. "And you said that  _I_ had funny ideas going on in my head," he remarked, shaking his head.

Gray stared at him blankly, before his eyes widened. "Good grief, just how much of our conversation did you overhear?" he demanded.

Natsu frowned thoughtfully. Gray could only be referring to their conversation on Galuna. Now that he thought about it, Natsu thought he might remember Gray using that specific turn of phrase sometime during the course of their talk, before Lyon had shown up. He couldn't be certain, but he rather thought that it had come up sometime during the middle of their conversation, not at the end. Which would suggest that Lyon had been standing there for a lot longer than they had realized.

"A lot more than you think I did," Lyon confirmed. His gaze slid away from Gray's face, and his voice dropped so low that Natsu could only hear his words because of his dragon-enhanced hearing. "I always thought of you as something like a brother too," the older mage mumbled.

Gray's eyes widened in shock and he rocked back on his heels, before he dropped his gaze to the ground and bowed his head. He swallowed hard, and although Natsu couldn't be certain since his hair was veiling his face, the dragon slayer suspected that he might have been fighting back tears for a second or two.

"Yeah," Gray said thickly. "Okay."

Lyon seemed to shake himself and force back his obvious embarrassment at his admission, and looked back at Gray.

"Okay, then," he said, his tone suddenly businesslike and no-nonsense again. "Here's the plan. We're going to go do your job, and then we're going to talk. You seem to have filled your head with all kinds of stupid ideas these past ten years. I helped put them there, and I'll be damned if I don't take them right back out again. And then you'll come back to your friends." He let out a breath and his lips tightened involuntarily. "Yeah, today sucks, but tomorrow's going to be a better day, alright?"

Gray stayed silent for a few seconds before replying. "Alright," he agreed quietly.

Glancing around, he finally seemed to notice that the rest of the guild was watching him. He had to have been at least vaguely aware of it the whole time, of course, but Natsu suspected that he had been so distracted and tense that he hadn't paid it much mind. But now it had captured his attention again, and he winced as he noticed everyone's faces.

No one had been unaffected by the spectacle, and there were a lot of horrified and sad expressions. A couple people, like Lucy, were even crying a little. And for those who hadn't been there on Galuna, there was a strange combination of confusion and comprehension mixed in as well, as they heard and understood parts of the story but were also aware that they were still missing most of the details. They would want answers, and Gray would have a lot of explaining to do.

"Oh great," Gray muttered. He scowled at Lyon. "You just had to do this here, didn't you?"

Lyon shrugged unrepentantly. "You would have had to tell them eventually, anyway. You should have done it already." He glanced around at the Fairy Tail mages before fixing his eyes on Gray's face again. "You'll have to explain everything to your friends, but not now. You really aren't in a good enough place to talk about it right now. But later, once the anniversary is over and you start feeling better… Well, they're your friends, aren't they? You should really tell them."

Gray sighed heavily. "Yeah," he said tiredly. "Later." Then he looked back at the others, a more normal expression replacing the melancholy one he had just been wearing. Natsu didn't know who he thought he was fooling. "Well, I'm heading out," he said. His voice wasn't exactly cheery, but it was far more upbeat than it had been a few seconds ago. "I'll see you all tomorrow."

Waving goodbye in the general direction of the gathered mages, he turned and walked away before anyone could respond. Natsu watched silently as he disappeared out the door and into the street beyond, Lyon following behind at a slightly slower pace. Just before the older mage was about to head out the door after Gray, Natsu called out to him.

"Hey, slanty-eyed bastard!"

Lyon paused and turned back, arching an eyebrow. Apparently he still remembered the not-so-fond nickname from Galuna Island. Natsu gave him a hard look, trying to convey what Lyon should already know: that the older mage bore at least some responsibility for what had happened to Gray and therefore was responsible for trying to fix it. And even more than that, Natsu wanted to make sure that Lyon was perfectly aware of what would happen if he dared hurt Gray again. After Lyon's apology, Natsu doubted that he was planning to do that, but it didn't hurt to take extra precautions.

Lyon stared back for a moment and then, although he rolled his eyes, he nodded slightly.

"Leave him alone, flame brain," Gray called, although he was still out of sight since he was waiting outside the guild.

"I didn't even say anything!" Natsu protested indignantly.

"You didn't have to," came Gray's voice. "I can practically feel your death glare from out here. I can take care of myself."

Lyon snorted and looked faintly amused, but something about Gray's words rubbed Natsu the wrong way. Before he could stop himself, the words came pouring out, even though he knew that this was neither the time nor the place to bring this up.

"I know that you  _can_ take care of yourself," he said, his voice brittle, "but  _will_ you?"

He really, really should not be making a big deal out of this right now when Gray was still upset, but it was like he couldn't help himself. This had been bothering him since Galuna, and if Gray and Lyon had both reached their breaking points on certain things within the last few minutes, then perhaps Natsu finally had too.

Lyon's amusement immediately melted away and he frowned at the ground, but Natsu kept his sharp gaze fixed on the open door that Gray had walked through shortly before.

"Because you didn't last time," Natsu continued, even though he should probably stop. "I trusted you to take care of yourself and you didn't."

A heavy silence fell as no one even dared to breathe. After a few seconds, Gray appeared again in the doorway, his dark eyes sad and regretful as he stared at Natsu.

"Look, flame brain, Lyon isn't going to–"

"This isn't about Lyon!" Natsu interrupted, clenching his hands into fists. "I don't trust him, but I don't think that he's going to try anything like last time. Lyon isn't the problem.  _You're_ the problem. This is about  _you_.

"You almost got yourself killed last time," he pressed on, his voice wavering for a second. "Hell, you almost killed  _yourself. Twice_. And then afterwards, you just stood there and took everything he threw at you. You let him hurt you and you didn't even try to defend yourself. You wouldn't defend yourself and you wouldn't let us defend you either, and we just had to stand there and watch you fall apart."

Gray's eyes clouded over and he suddenly looked guilty again. Natsu didn't really want to see that, but he also needed Gray to understand.

"I'm sorry, but last time it was because–"

He wasn't understanding.

"Last time it was because you convinced yourself that you deserved it," Natsu broke in. "You convinced yourself that you deserved all those words and accusations he threw at you. You convinced yourself that you deserved to be hurt. You–" His voice cracked, but he forged on anyway. "You convinced yourself that you deserved to die, Gray."

Those ugly last words hung in the heavy stillness shrouding the hall, seeming to echo in everyone's ears. Gray let out a shuddering breath and looked away. Natsu hurriedly collected himself enough that he could finish saying what he needed to say. He might as well finish what he had started.

"And you can try telling me that it's just because everything with your past came up again—because you convinced yourself that you killed Ur, too—but that doesn't make it any easier to trust you today, does it? Because today is connected to your past too, and last time something was connected to your past, you–you–" Natsu broke off and took a calming breath, unable to make himself consider iced shell again. "When you walk out that door today, how am I supposed to know that you aren't going to self-destruct again? How am I supposed to know that you're going to take care of yourself and come back in one piece? I don't–I don't know that I can trust you to do that."

Natsu had known that this had been lurking somewhere at the edge of his mind since Galuna, but until this moment, when he couldn't stop the heartbroken words from pouring out, he hadn't quite realized exactly how much it had been eating away at him.

"I tried to get through to you, I really did," he said, his voice dropping to almost a whisper. "But I can't force you to be happy. I can't force you to forgive yourself. This isn't something that I can fix. But I tried. I  _tried_. And you should know by now that I'll keep trying as long as I have to. That we all will.

"But you weren't even going to say anything to us. If Lyon hadn't walked in here today, you would never have told us that it was the anniversary of Ur's death, would you? You're hiding things again, Gray. We could have tried to help you, but still, even after everything, you're still trying to do it all alone."

Natsu couldn't make himself look at Gray anymore, so he looked off to the side instead, fixing his eyes on the floor. Silence reigned for several seconds after his speech, but then quiet footsteps started up. He didn't look back over, even when Gray stopped in front of him.

"Flame brain," Gray said quietly.

Natsu bit his lip and narrowed his eyes, but kept his gaze fixed on the ground. It wasn't so much that he was mad at Gray, but that he was hurt and worried, and maybe a little bit embarrassed about his outburst. When he didn't look up, Gray sighed.

"Natsu, look at me."

Despite himself, Natsu reluctantly looked up to meet Gray's eyes, unable to resist the same request that he had made to Gray back on Galuna. Gray's eyes were sad and tired, and that made Natsu's heart hurt even more.

"You're right," Gray said in a low voice. "I gave up on Galuna. I couldn't take it anymore and I snapped and gave up. But Natsu, I've never been doing this alone. Fairy Tail has been my reason to keep going, you know. It's my reason to fight and to try to move on and get better, because I didn't really have a good enough reason until I came here. One day I'll have to stop using you as a crutch and make myself the reason to keep moving forward, and that'll happen eventually, I think. It just takes time. I can't just undo ten years in a few days.

"But yes, you're also right that I should be telling you guys about what's going on. I should have told you that today was the anniversary instead of planning to run off on my own. I really did hear you back on that island, Natsu. I did. I'm working on it and getting better, I promise I am. I'm sorry that I broke your trust, but you really don't need to worry so much. I'll take care of myself, alright?"

Natsu swallowed hard. "Promise?" he whispered.

"Promise," Gray agreed, his eyes showing nothing but sincerity.

Natsu let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Gray arched an eyebrow and a faint smirk tugged at the corners of his mouth.

"Unless, perhaps, my word doesn't mean much now that you don't trust me?" he asked wryly.

Natsu glanced away. "You don't break your word. I trust that. And it's not that I don't trust you, exactly. I'd trust you with anything else and you'd be the first one I'd turn to if I needed help, but I need to be able to trust you to take care of yourself as much as I trust you to watch out for the rest of us."

Gray sighed quietly. "It's not as bad as it was, really. Things are going to be okay. I'm going to be okay." Suddenly his seriousness morphed into sly amusement again, and he smirked at Natsu, his eyes sparkling with barely repressed mirth. "But really, flame brain, you should probably stop worrying so much. People are going to start thinking that you actually care about me."

Natsu stared at him in disbelief, and his indignation flared up. "You know damn well that I–" he started hotly.

"Shh," Gray interrupted, pressing a finger against his lips in the universal gesture of silence as he winked at Natsu conspiratorially. His grin widened a little. "It's a secret. We wouldn't want them to start thinking that we're best friends or anything like that, would we?"

Despite himself, Natsu's lips curled into a half-smile and his indignation drained away as he picked up on what Gray was saying.

"Where would they get a silly idea like that?" he asked, watching his best friend with a mixture of fondness and exasperation.

Gray's grin turned crooked. "Damned if I know." Then his smile faded and he sighed, looking weary and melancholy again. "I'm sorry, Natsu," he said quietly. "You really do help more than you know. Let me mourn today, alright? We can talk tomorrow. I'll tell you whatever you need to know, just…tomorrow."

Natsu nodded, recognizing the gesture for what it was. Gray was willing to open up to Natsu again like he had on Galuna Island, and although the dragon slayer usually avoided touchy-feely emotional crap like the plague, this was a conversation that he really needed to have with his friend.

"And tomorrow will be a better day?" he asked uncertainly, parroting Lyon's words from earlier.

Gray smiled faintly. "Yeah," he said. "It always is, isn't it?"

Well, it would be if Gray was planning to work towards moving on, and maybe that was what he was trying to convey to Natsu. The dragon slayer sure hoped so.

"Well, I'm off, then," Gray said cheerfully, his melancholy morphing back into some semblance of his usual attitude again. He turned and headed for the door once more. "I'll be back tomorrow."

Natsu—and the rest of the guild—watched Gray as he lifted a hand in farewell without turning around, brushing past Lyon and disappearing out the door. Lyon made to follow him, but paused in the doorway and met Natsu's eyes for a split second, nodding slightly before disappearing after Gray.

Their gazes didn't touch for long, but it was enough to come to an understanding. The two mages didn't particularly like each other yet, but they both recognized that the other was someone important to Gray. More importantly, each was someone who could help Gray overcome his demons in their own different ways, and they both—along with the rest of Gray's family in the guild—would have their own roles to play in their friend's recovery.

For just a second, that glance set aside their mistrust of each other and acknowledged their common goal.

_'We'll do whatever it takes to fix this.'_

**Author's Note:**

> I went back to re-watch parts of the Galuna arc to see how far I could make Lyon go before he went OOC, but man, he really said some nasty things in canon.


End file.
